The Democratic Division Championship

I love analogies...

The Democratic Division Championship

With a touchdown on the first possession of the game, Quarterback Barack Obama showed he came to the game to take out the team most favored to win, the Clintons. Quarterback Hillary, threatened with being sidelined, cried out a play that kept her in the game.

Through the second quarter, both teams put points on the board, but the story was how team Obama were proving to be worthy opponents, inspiring the fired-up crowd. With each passing touchdown and field goal, it was clear this was going to be a tough-fought battle for the championship.

But it would become clear that only the Obamas were prepared to go past halftime. During the third quarter, the Clinton offense fell apart. The multiple-touchdown lead that everyone assumed Hillary would rack up faded away as the Obamas ran the ball downfield several times, with a few long passes for show. The Clintons pulled the dreaded "kitchen-sink" defense at the end of the third, but Barack weaved in and out of their attacks to successfully pass another ball into the end zone.

If the Obamas could keep their momentum through the fourth quarter, their victory seemed assured, but the drama was really about to unfold. On Team Obama, an offensive lineman barely off the bench, Jeremiah Wright, was penalized with a personal foul, bringing morale down. Sports reporters on the sidelines questioned how Barack could stick with his longtime teammate. Hillary created her own problem for the Clintons when she twisted herself executing the "sniper-fire" offense. She lost a lot of yardage with a few big penalties. The climax of the quarter so far, was when Wright was penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct prompting his team captain to finally get him off the field.

When the fourth quarter hit the two minute warning, Obama defensive lineman "Gastax Holiday" (these players have the funniest names nowadays) grabbed the ball from Hillary's hands during a fake and scored another touchdown, ensuring a few more field goals from the Clintons would not overtake his lead. Since this interception, the crowd has been heading for the exits.

"But!" Hillary cried, "if you remove the yards the Obamas covered while making field goals, and you add the yards I should have gotten when I was penalized, then I have about 75 more yards traveled. Nevermind that I don't have the points. Nevermind that I have fewer visits to the end-zone. Nevermind that the other team has a larger salary cap and fan base. Nevermind that I didn't strategize my game to win with the existing rules."

"I have more yards traveled," Hillary said. "If this were 'hide and seek,' I'd already be the winner. If we changed the rules, I'd barely be ahead. And that's what makes me more qualified to go to the Superbowl. Pick me!"


So now there's only a few more seconds remaining on the clock, and the Clintons have remaining time for only three plays. Unless she can pull off the never-before seen "Superdelegate Reversal," it will be the young quarterback Barack Obama who will go on to face a wounded-but-dangerous Republican team, and their warrior-quarterback John McCain.