This was one of the first thoughts in my head as I sat in the audience while the national tour of Jesus Christ Superstar began its show last night at the Warner Theatre. Shortly followed by:

“Oh good, Jesus is going to heal that hot Bearcub that just got stabbed by the Roman Guard.”

It turns out that hot Bearcub was Simon Zealot, one of Jesus apostles, and he would thankfully be seen onstage often – which is a good thing because he was totally gorgeous while Jesus was really old. I mean like so old I couldn’t even look at him. But then again we were in the 3rd row – pretty close. I often found myself blocking the always-brightly-lit Jesus behind the head of the man sitting in front of me. But between Simon and a handful of other muppet actors on stage, I had some nice things to look at.

OK, I’m being a little unkind to Jesus. Jesus was played by Ted Neeley, who famously played the part in the original tour and the 1973 film when he was 30. He’s still got great talent, but this was more of a reprise role. Seeing a performer who is so famous for a part but should no longer be playing it is kind of like going to an old-timer’s baseball game: You’re not necessarily going to get the best show, but you get to experience at least some of the glory that shines through the famous faces on the field. And you can always say “I saw him play that part.” Neeley is talented, no doubt about that. But at 65, Neeley is also likely twice the age of the next oldest cast member, not to mention twice Jesus’ age at his crucifixion.

The production is a bit haphazard. The show book and score itself was laughable, sorry. It doesn’t help that I’m not an Andrew Lloyd-Webber fan, but I knew what I was getting into. I had never seen JCS before, but I enjoyed it for what it was. Really, some of the lyrics were so basic that I’ve lost a little respect for Tim Rice. My ears desperately long for “A Little Night Music” to soothe the assault from last night’s bombardment of sound.

But back to the Bearcub. He is Matthew G. Meyers. A tenor, he’s about 30, not a big bear but a strong stocky build, brown hair and light beard, and cute pug nose. He was actually one of the better performers on the stage, bringing more life even in his background parts than most of the cast. His performance singing Simon’s song was excellent. He also acts as the understudy to Judas, as well as some management parts on stage (I forget the titles; my Playbill isn’t here next to me). Looking at Meyers’ bio in the Playbill though, Dave noticed that he won the Best Actor in a Musical in “NYC’s Fresh Fruit Award.”

Hmmm. “Fresh fruit.” In NYC? Sounds kinda gay. Sure enough, it is! A little Googling will find a lovely photo of Matthew with his husband at Disneyworld (or land) in front of Cinderella’s castle. So this is one of the few times I’ve seen a hot bearcub actor who actually turns out to be family.

I’d include a photo for you here, but I didn’t find any publicly online that does him justice in his Bear-esque look. In his headshot he looks way too pretty and thin. I find that to be a problem with hot bearish actors. Their headshots make them look too much like “actors” than people.

It was a welcome change to see a cast that didn’t all look like buff chorus-line dancers in period costume. On the flip side, they looked like they were still in high school or college – with Jesus as this kind of creepy old janitor that shuffled along with them. The high energy that the cast shows compares strikingly to the low energy Neeley brings as Jesus, making him appear that much older.

I enjoyed the show for what it was. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it unless you want to see Neeley reprise the role for which he is famous. The staging looks inspired by Les Miserables, with the arched bridge set and the chorus blocking. Even the actor who plays James looks like he should be playing Jean Valjean. If you have a need for bombastic sound and incomprehensible material that takes itself too seriously, JCS might do until the next tour of The Phantom of the Opera comes to Wolftrap. If you want to see a hot Bearcub on stage, see if you can get cheap walkup one-off front-row seats a half hour before curtain. (Not sure if you can.) The show is at the Warner til Sunday.

Last night’s commercial with David Cook in reverse was pretty awesome.

Danny Gokey auditions on American Idol

And though Danny Gokey’s grief over his recently deceased wife was a bit overdone by the teasing and editing and producing (I can just hear the producer’s thinking “C’mon Danny cry for us!”), his singing was pretty good, and in my eye, he’s friggin hot. A muppet on American idol! Glasses? Check. Crazy reddish hair? Check (but probably dyed). Scruff or goatee? Check. A little stocky? Maybe check, but he’s not skinny. Way cute face? Check! Self depreciating humor and fun attitude? Check. Visit Ricky.org for video. He’s my other fave for now.

Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell’s behavior on Tuesday night’s Idol was disgusting. Bikini Girl, a.k.a. Katrina Darrell, wasn’t a very good signer and she didn’t deserve to go to Hollywood.

The new judge Kara DioGuardi was right about the contestant, but DioGuardi should limit her judging to critique and not one-upmanship, no matter how much an auditioner says, “Oh yeah, well you couldn’t do any better.” It makes her look petty. She’s the music pro. We expect her to be able to sing better, so doing it proves nothing.

It only took “American Idol’s” judging newbie, Kara DioGuardi, one episode to leave a memorable mark on season eight of the televised talent search.

In an attempt to dash the dreams of a bikini-clad hopeful, the panelist sang over the wannabe and gave the contender a pointed piece of her mind. Her tactic didn’t work, as Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson have a preference for talent-packed bikinis, but DioGuardi told Ryan Seacrest she has no regrets.

Tidbits: ‘Idol’ judge defends attack on Bikini Girl – Tabloid Tidbits- msnbc.com

The metrognome transformation, by contrast, is completely inorganic and owes nothing to actual appearance. As ‘metro’ implies, there is an element of deliberate grooming and styling involved.

The metrognome will often claim a beard is for warmth. But there is also an element of dandified defiance to it: the metrognome says: I am not part of ‘the system.’

Meanwhile as furry cheeks and chins have come back in style this year, I’ve been noticing a certain type of guy, often a hipster or very close to it, but that I call a “muppet,” with due apologies to Jim Henson. A muppet often has glasses or big eyes. A muppet often has at least a shadow of a beard, but more often has neglected shaving completely, with scruffy cheeks and neck. Muppets are goofy. Muppets are cute. Muppets are attractive enough to be in a commercial for yogurt or computers, but with the notable exception of Seth Rogen you won’t usually find a muppet sex-symbol at the movies. (Yes, I said Seth Rogen is a sex symbol.)